INTIMATE AFFAIRS: Sugar daddies’ girls, By Funke Egbemode

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If you like your breasts to be huge and your stomach to be flat, Floxy is the girl for you. She is cutely curvy, and she is well aware of it. No, she isn’t a bimbo whose sole selling point is her body. She is an excellent corporate executive. Just something about her makes her unapproachable, at least to young struggling guys. She is wiser, more mature, and more focused than her age would suggest. She’s over 30, by the way, but she’s accomplished a lot in the last two years, thanks in large part to her astute, single-minded new outlook on life. If you ask her why she no longer sees young single guys, she’ll tell you she’s had enough of them to last a lifetime. For the time being, she adores them wedded. Either the man is married or she would not even consider a breakfast date with him. Is she looking for a second or third wife, or a mistress for life? No, she simply finds the married men’s impediments valuable to her cause and the single men’s obvious uncreative lies unappealing.

” Many are using men to fill in the gaps between broken romance and heartbreaks. And there are the shameless runs-girls who are just difficult to differentiate from the regular ‘olosho’ prostitute.

What cause? I asked.

“Dating a young, clingy, single man won’t work for me. I can’t fit all that self-entitlement and possessiveness into my plans and schedule right now or even in the next two years. Look, a single guy will want plenty of attention. He’d sulk if I cancel a date or don’t show up on time for an outing. He’d generally assume he’s God’s gift to me and I should be grateful he’s in my life. But right now, all I want to do is do something, be something for me, myself and I. I have given enough to single men who didn’t deliver on their promises. I thought I’d be married by 25 or at worst, 30. But here I am, 35, single and dumped close to the altar three times. My last relationship almost landed me in a psychiatric ward. A single man would expect so much because he would think I expect an engagement ring but I have no such expectations now.

“Just imagine the endless annoying insinuations if I have to work late or go to a staff retreat or conference. If I buy a new car or move to a better neighbourhood, he’d complain that it’s because I want to show off or I’m dating the boss. With a married man, the complications are at least different, easier or almost non-existent. He has a wife to go back home to, so he’s not monitoring my movement. He’d buy me a new car while a boyfriend would have a dozen questions and reasons why my car should be a particular brand or why I shouldn’t have chosen a brand without consulting him. I’ve done all that and got not what I wanted. So, if the singles are withholding marriage, I am taking another route because I’m heading somewhere different. With a man who has a family, we spend only quality time together instead of being joined at the hips. He expects good sex and I expect same. No big deal. Even the ones who promise you forever and deliver nothing ask for more sex than the married guy. All I need to do is keep him interested and satisfied for a few hours per week. The affair is not heading for the altar and we both know it. I won’t get pregnant and he won’t propose.

“It’s a safe arrangement. When I’m where I want to be on my career ladder and I meet the right guy I want to settle down with, I will move on. Right now, I don’t need any man whining that I’m too career-minded or sulking because I bought the dinner instead of cooking it.”

Have you just sighed? I understand, but it is the state of our planet. ‘These gals don tear eye,’ my Waffi pals would comment. Some claim to be practical and to know what they want, but to me, it is still’somehow.’ What are your thoughts? Single, gorgeous, eligible girls pursuing married men.

However, it is not a completely new phenomenon. It’s only that the frequency of incidence is concerning. Many, many years ago, it was something that was discussed in whispers. However, it is now a traveling show in every color of the rainbow. Some are bright-eyed gals who use married men to advance in life. Many women are turning to guys to fill the voids left by failed romances and heartbreaks. And then there are the shameless runs-girls, who are impossible to distinguish from the average ‘olosho’ prostitute.

I’m sure you’ve heard at least a dozen stories about the exploits of runs-girls. They are both young and old, some wise and many ignorant. They want free money and don’t care how they acquire it as long as it comes to them. Some people die from it, while others become insane or terminally ill as a result of it. If you have the correct sensory antennae, you can smell them from a mile away. They are half-dressed at airports, hoping to catch a game. Cleavages everywhere, bums threatening to pop out of tight-fitting bum-shorts.

On college campuses, I hear they’re a dime a dozen, utilizing what they have to get through school and have the kind of life their parents couldn’t provide.

Benny is concerned about paying the price today in order to receive the prize tomorrow. With two secondary school siblings, a retired civil servant father, and a petty trader mother, a first and possibly a Masters Degree aren’t in the cards for a struggling undergraduate guy.

‘I’m struggling and I won’t date a struggling guy. This is not the time to invest my emotions in men who will only use my body and throw my heart to the dogs. I need money, consistent cash flow so I won’t drop out of school and my siblings can join me next year. That is what Mark is for me. With him, I have no expectations, so he can’t disappoint me. I’m clear-eyed, clear-headed about what this is – honeymoon without a wedding. He spoils me rotten and I give him the best time he’s ever had. I don’t nag. I don’t make demands he can’t afford. He thinks I’m at his beck and call but his money is giving me peace of mind.’

What if she falls in love with Mark? “Not likely. He’s not available. He is actually devoted to his wife and children and does not pretend about it. In any case, I don’t want to be a second wife. For now, I’m having the time of my life. I have peace. Mark has rented me a nice apartment off-campus which I will leave for my brothers when they resume school. He has also got me a small car but I do not take it home so that my parents will not ask me questions that I cannot answer.”

For Laura, dating a married man has no strings attached. With a body meant for a beauty queen – flat stomach, full firm breasts and hips that will make a holy man miss his steps – Laura said she’s making the best of her looks before “one man comes to cage her in marriage.”

“It’s all a sad commentary on all of us, this fun game. We are all culpable – parents, husbands, daughters, sons. We all must start to do better before everything decent gets guzzled by greed.

Feel free to gasp. I did too when she threw that line – “I have dated an eligible bachelor before but he was obsessed, possessive and he beat me too. My last boyfriend wanted non-stop sex and his sisters were mean. With my married lover, I don’t have to worry about in-laws. Only his friends know me and they wished they were in Otunba’s shoes. I don’t have to put up with snide remarks from stupid sisters of a lousy, unprotective boyfriend.

“As for sex, Otunba is too old for a marathon, sometimes I see him once a week. Sometimes we don’t see for a whole month. Yet, he keeps the cash flowing. I’ll worry about tomorrow when it comes. For now, it’s fun time.”

On college campuses, I hear they’re a dime a dozen, utilizing what they have to get through school and have the kind of life their parents couldn’t provide.

Benny is concerned about paying the price today in order to receive the prize tomorrow. With two secondary school siblings, a retired civil servant father, and a petty trader mother, a first and possibly a Masters Degree aren’t in the cards for a struggling undergraduate guy.

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